Holy shit you guys

[Despanan]

[cain]

well, if you don't want it...

[Despanan]

"Sierra Club, Sierra Club, Sierra Club.

You like wolves. I can tell because you keep sending me pictures of bloody wolves in the mail. Those pictures are badass, because they contain wolves, and also blood. Wolves are badass, and blood is badass, and wolf blood is doubly badass, especially when it's ON a wolf and in the snow - so I guess what I'm saying is thank you for the picture. I put it on my wall next to my other wolf-photos. I'd send you a picture of it but I don't know how to work my iphone camera, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to take a picture of my pictures of badass wolves because if I did, it would do a disservice to those wolves by not being able to perfectly capture their majestic badassery. Please accept the wolf-photos I've attached in this electronic communication as a stand-in for my wall of wolf photos that features the one you sent me.

If you can't tell Sierra Club, I like Wolves. That's why I'm also reaching out to you, in solidarity because of our mutual wolf-like-love (which is both loving and liking wolves, and loving and liking LIKE a wolf). I think you might have wanted a donation or something, but I didn't open the envelope because I was worried I might tear the wolf picture, and therefore make it 13% less badass (even though torn things are usually badass - so now that I think of it, maybe I should open it. I will decide when I get home).

I know what you're thinking Sierra Club "There's no way this guy can love wolves like we love wolves" WELL YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG. STOP IT SIERRA CLUB.

To make you stop thinking it here is my proof of how much I love wolves, in the form of a comprehensive list of Wolf-Facts:

FACT: Wolves were the first animals in space.

FACT: Wolves were the first animals to develop opposible thumbs.

FACT: Wolves gave their thumbs up because it was an unfair advantage.

FACT: Wolves are so intelligent that even Moon Moon could earn a degree at any American University.

FACT: Wolves are immortal.

FACT: Liam Neesen is the only celebrity who doesn't like wolves.

FACT: The wolf is the favorite animal of Sir Patrick Stewart, Albert Einstein, Michelle Obama, Leonardo Dicaprio, Professor Charles Xavier, Susan B. Anthony, Angelina Jolie, Neil Gaiman, Ebeneezer Scrooge, Dame Judi Dench, Captain Jean Luc Picard, J.K. Rowling, Sean Bean, Narrator, King Richard, Gurney Halleck and Emperor Uriel Septim VII.

FACT: The unique vibration produced by three wolves howling in a minor triadic chord causes the moon to grow larger in the sky (temporarily).

FACT: The wolf is evolved directly from the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

^That list is not all inclusive. You must have an even bigger one on your wall, next to your wolf-pictures. If you could, please send it to me so I can add your facts to mine.

Now that I have demonstrated my love of wolves, we are now Best Friends Sierra Club - and as Best Friends, I have a request. You might not like it, but stay with me because you will DEFINITELY like it.

See the thing is Sierra Club, I was in Iceland, and I saw that Iceland was selling wolf-skins. Not fake wolf-skins, real wolf skins, taken off of a real wolf. It occurs to me that you are probably mad about this Sierra Club, because you love wolves and wolves love their skin. If so you should take it up with Iceland - I have nothing to do with it.

However, Sierra Club, I want to stress that by the transitive property of badassitude, wolf-skins are BADASS, because WOLVES are badass. I thought about buying one of those wolf-skins, but I figured it would probably piss you off if I did, and you'd probably tell me all the reasons why I shouldn't have a wolf-skin, and I'll agree with all of them: But still, the skins are there - and they're badass, and I love wolves and badass things, and so I would like to have one.

Stay with me: I am not asking you, Sierra Club, for your permission to buy a wolf skin, taken off of a wolf that's already dead. Even if that wolf was a bad wolf that committed wolf-crimes and was condemned to death by a tribunal of wolf-judges (Judges who are wolves but also judge wolves for wolf-crimes). The thing is, It occurs to me that the reason one has a wolf-skin is to show how badass they are, and the only way to do that is to defeat a wolf in single combat, and take it's skin. Buying an already dead wolf-skin is a lie Sierra Club, and lies are not badass. Wolf-skins are some Theon Greyjoy shit, Sierra Club - you have to pay the Iron Price for them.

I know what you're thinking, Sierra Club: You think I want to hunt a wolf and take it's skin. WRONG Sierra Club. Stop thinking that immediately. Hunting wolves is wrong because wolves are amazing, beautiful magical immortal creatures. I learned that from the wolf mailing you sent me - plus you shouldn't hunt wolves with a gun because it's a fact that wolves are bullet-proof, and guns are exclusively for wimps and tiny children.

You get the point Sierra Club: Guns are NOT BADASS, and neither are bullets. But Wolves ARE badass Sierra Club, which brings me back to the Badass wolf skin and how badass I will be when I have paid the Iron Price for it and wear it to business meetings and first dates.

What I'm asking, Sierra Club, is if I become a member of your pack, will you please let me fight a wolf? I would like to fight it with my fists, and maybe I could strap wolf-teeth to my knuckles and knees, since wolves have teeth so it's only fair - plus the only thing that can cut a wolf is another wolf. Don't worry, I won't kill it. If I win, I'll let it live.

If you could please arrange this bout between me and a wolf of your choice as soon as possible, it would make me very very very very very very very very very happy. See the thing is when I fight this wolf and win and let it live, I can then, having paid the Iron Price, go back to Iceland, and buy the skin of the criminal wolf, and put it on my wall, and carry it with me to job interviews, and everyone will know how much I love wolves and how badass I am. They'll say "There goes that guy who fought a wolf so he would deserve another wolf's skin" and I will at last, be married to a person.

We could even turn it into a pro-wolf fundraiser, for the Sierra Club, and sell tickets, and put it on TV. I could then punch the wolf, and it could bleed on the snow, and you could take a picture of it, and mail it to me, and I will put it on my wall, with my other wolf pictures, approximated in this email.

Because wolves are badass, Sierra Club, and that's why you have to let me fight one.

Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you soon. If you could please phrase your response in the form of a howl."

Then I linked this image:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid ... =1&theater

[dexeron]

"The Sierra Club likes this."

[Despanan]

[dexeron]

TAS is the only real version of that show to me.

[cain]

Despanan, buy me a wolf

[Rip]

Fuck that, make wolves our new currency

[Despanan]

Certainly would be better than bitcoin.